Thank Crikey For The Intrepid Sun
IT WAS THE SUN WOT DONE IT
The Fiver is not one of those snooty media organs that looks down its not-altogether-clean nose canada goose coat $5000 no credit check signature loans at its counterparts in tabloid format. Because the Fiver knows that many excellent journalists work for tabloids, and many despicable ones that work for more hi-falutin’ ones. What’s more, some of the most important stories of our time have been broken by tabloids, who have thus performed a valuable social service. The Sun, for instance, has brought us many fascinating exclusives, and we don’t just mean Vicky, 18, from Bushey. Nor even Floella, 74, from Giggleswick.
Today, for example, as the rest of Fleet Street was weighing up the well-known merits and drawbacks of Roy Hodgson as a manager, the Sun scooped everyone yet again by producing a sensational exposé of the man to whom the Football Association best fake canada goose jacket has just entrusted the country’s footballing fortunes. The FA took months to appoint Fabio Capello’s successor but it seems that during all that time the incompetent bozos did not go to the trouble of thoroughly investigating the background of their preferred candidate. Thankfully The Sun is not so negligent
and today, no doubt after an intricately mounted sting operation, it exclusively revealed that HODGSON HAS A SLIGHT VERBAL QUIRK WHEREBY HE DOESN’T PRONOUNCE Rs THE WAY THE SUN THINKS best ideas about canada goose outlet online on pinterest HE SHOULD!
“Bwing on the Euwos! (We’ll see you in Ukwaine against Fwance),” mocked The Sun canada goose coat 1000 bulbs coupons across its front page this morning, as intelligentsia all over the land wondered just how this Hodgson creature had managed to walk among us normal folks undetected for all these years. Thank crikey for the intrepid Sun! Presumably we can count on tomorrow’s edition of the ahead-of-the-pack tabloid to bring news that the FA has moved quickly to sack the outed Hodgson and instead install ‘Arry Redknapp, coincidentally a Sun columnist who recently revealed in court that “I write like a two-year old”.
Of course, how Redknapp writes or spells has nothing to do with how well he canada goose coat – hybridge lite manages a football team, any more than how Hodgson speaks does – unless, of course, he’s working abroad, in which case his fluency in five languages could be useful. In fact, don’t tell The Sun, but Hodgson’s polyglotism could also be valuable in all those boring but important Uefa and Fifa meetings, what with the 2018 World Cup bidding fiasco proving that England needs to regain favour with the many members of the international footballing community who perceive the English as a bunch of arrogant and ignorant rankers. Not a charge that could be levelled at the bosses of The Sun, of course, as they
obviously know their Rs from their elbows.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Soccer insiders say influential England stalwart [Steven] Gerrard has little regard for Hodgson’s abilities and has probably passed on his views to England team-mates” – The Sun, today.
‘I’ve worked with Roy. He’s a good man and a good manager. It’s important he’s given a chance and I’m looking forward to working with him again” – Steven Gerrard, yesterday.
QUOTE OF THE DAY 2
“When Roy came to The Albion after Di Matteo was sacked, all I really knew of him was that he had a footballing CV comprised of clubs I hadn’t heard of, and he sounded like the son in Steptoe And Son” – either highly paid can you wash a canada goose parka ITV football show presenter Adrian Chiles is trying too hard to be funny again, or prior to February 2011 he had genuinely never heard of such little-known football clubs as Inter, Blackeye Rovers, Fulham and Liverpool.
“So it’s the FA’s fault that The Fiver was forced to rattle off a hastily written story that was discreetly padded out to fill space, but on closer examination turned out to be canada goose coat 1000 calorie meal plans comprised largely of inconsequential and superfluous waffle (yesterday’s Fiver)? So what are the excuses for the other 250-odd days a year? And as for blaming the FA for everything: are you Kenny Dalglish?” – J Hughes.
“Re: writers confusing readers (Fiver letters passim). I was also horribly misled by Alan Bennett. Talking Heads contained not a single reference to David Byrne. Once In A Lifetime? More Ode to Nowhere” – Silas Hobbit.
“In the current episode of Football Weekly, there’s talk of Southampton manager Nigel Adkins’ use of positive phrases and buzzwords. I saw an interview on Football Focus in which he used the term KPI. Is it normal to use business jargon in football and if so, what are the Key Process Indicators for a match or player?” – Barbara MacDonald.
“Thanks for publishing my letter about celebrity lookalike llamas (yesterday’s Fiver Letters). Thanks also for correcting it to read ‘alpacas’ instead of ‘llamas’. Sadly, however, you got the wrong one for David De Gea. I meant this one, with the pursed pout and the outrageous quiff” – Simon Cherry
“Re: Simon Cherry’s photos of alpacas 88, I had no idea what to do with these photos of Owls that look like Roy Hodgson until now” – David McKee.
Send your letters to firstname.lastname@example.org. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver.
BITS AND BOBS
Stoke City winger Jermaine Pennant has been arrested for allegedly assaulting a woman in a nightclub in Manchester on Sunday night, two hours before he was charged with drink-driving, driving while disqualified and without insurance.
Ahead of this month’s Big Cup final, Uefa have planted their right foot firmly on the ground and said it will not be changing its rules on yellow cards in Big Cup for at least three years.
In news that prompted shoulder-shrugs all round in Fiver Towers, Alex McLeish has revealed Aston Villa striker Darren Bent might be fit for Euro 2012.
About two years after everyone thought he had hung up his boots, average price of canada goose jacket Sol Campbell has finally got round to announcing his retirement from football.
Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli has been nominated as Hero of the Year at this year’s Kerrang! Awards, which we’ve been asked to refer to by its very rock’n’roll title: the Kerrang! Awards Fuelled By Relentless Energy Drink.
STILL WANT MORE?
Twelve Monkeys, Sigmund Freud, Oedipus and Charles Darwin all feature in this 2,450-word preview of Jonathan Wilson’s next contribution to Private Eye Magazine’s Pseuds Corner. Great Football Teams Go Bad. It would have been nice of him to write buy canada goose jacket uk accompanying York Notes.
Some angry readers complained that no Scottish fitbaw featured in The Knowledge: The Closest Finishes In Europe’s Top Leagues. Hint: the reason is in the title.
Barney Ronay has the imagination to liken Roy Hodgson to “a very wise koala bear cast in an episode of the Sweeney”, which means it’s unlikely he’s going to get a job dreaming up with front page headlines for The Sun.
Proper journalism’s David Conn points out the rather obvious fact that taking £600m out of Manchester United’s coffers to service debts might have an adverse affect on the team’s results, prompting a surprising number of delusional mouth-foamers to wave their pitchforks, rattle the gates of his mansion and claim he’s best ideas about canada goose parka on pinterest wrong.
And not content with making Manchester United fans look a bit dim, PJDC reminds Newcastle United fans how wrong they were about Mike Ashley and his Cockney Mafia.
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THE EMASCULATION IS COMPLETE: PLEASE BE UPSTANDING FOR GREGG BAKOWSKI